POST #5 - "I'M TALKING TO YOUR MOTHER"!!

My daughter, who is almost two, has pick-up a new behavior. She has learned the art of interruption. My wife and I cannot talk to each other, or another person, or on the phone, with her interrupting saving dada, mama, etc... Being the center of attention is the flavor of the month. She is very persistent and is not easily stopped. This is a common behavior with all kids. Actually, adults want to the center of attention just like kids, and often they interrupt more often. Keys to dealing with this behavior.
First, try to ignore the behavior. Never stop your conversation, this only feeds into the negative behavior and makes it more powerful. Often, tell your child that you will respond to them after you are done talking, then cut back the time you talk. Finally, praise your child for not interrupting and listening to you. Remember, as mentioned in previous posts, always consider removing yourself from a situation if you think you will react to the situation.

POST #4 - FUNCTIONS OF BEHAVIORS!!

Often one asks, why did my child do that? We, as parents, search for reasons why, often without success. With children with special needs, it is important to recognize that the function of their behavior could be a result of their disability, such as obsessive compulsive disorder. However, all children have what we call LEARNED BEHAVIOR. Learned behavior is behavior that has a distinct function. Behavior has four primary functions. These primary functions are the foundations to behavior:
1. Attention Seeking
2. Tangible- (not getting what you want, or wanting something)
3. Escape/Avoidance
4. Sensory

Some secondary functions include: Lack of communication, fatigue, sickness, noises, time of year, etc...

Recognizing the function of the behavior will help decrease the behavior in the long term.

POST #3- (RRR), RECOGNIZE, RELAX, AND REMOVE

I hear often from parents, "I over reacted and yelled at my child, but they were driving me crazy". Parents often second guess themselves, and feel guilt later. Our reaction to our children's behavior is often driven by our mood. This is why I suggest the three R's, RECOGNIZE, RELAX, REMOVE! Sometimes we have a bad day: A long day at work, your car breaks down, the dog eats your homework, etc... And when we get home, our moods are negative, our patience thin, and mental health strained. At this point we are most vulnerable to react negatively to our children's behavior, rather than remaining calm and reacting rationally. So, Johnny, hits his little brother, or Sally throws her milk across the room. This is the time to use the three R's of behavior:

1st-Recognize. Recognize where you are at mentally, before you step into your house. It is important to know how you are feeling internally, and what your ability to respond to the problem positively will be.

2nd-Relax. Take a deep breath, count to ten backwards, shut your eyes. Relax, take these few seconds to compose yourself before you interact.

3rd-Remove. Finally, remove yourself from the seen if possible. If your spouse or significant other is avalable, let them deal with the situation. If you are alone, take yourself out of the situation for a minute to compose yourself. Remember, it is better to do nothing, than to do something damaging.

Post #2- THE COUNTDOWN!!

Does counting work? "Cindy Sue, I'm going to count to five, when I get to five, you need to stand-up, 1, 2, 3....! Many parents use counting as a method of "helping" their children "behave" , often with much success. This common sense idea, actually, is a very sound behavioral modification technique. Counting is the ultimate redirection strategy. It first verbally asks your child to refocus. Counting has a definite beginning and ending (this is very important for children with autism). It sets the boundary, and makes the child feel safe. Also, counting is prep time. Prep time is so important. Children like to have the time to make a decision, I know I do. And counting is a good way for the PARENT TO CALM themselves down.

So count away! Use it as your first line of defense.

Mike

POST #1 - "ANGELS AND DEMONS"

I was at the book store the other day and the book, "Angels and Demons", caught my eye. My daughter, earlier that day, had given me a hard time at the store. I chuckled to myself, my little girl can be an "Angel" and sometimes she can act like a "Demon". Kids, how we love them, and how they make us loose our hair (I am needing to wear a hat in the sun more often). Since becoming a father and after 20 years of working with children, with multiple disabilities and behaviors, no disabilities, and all ages, I have come to the realization that talking with other parents can be helpful.
When it comes to behavior, with children, no one person has all the answers (surely not me). However, I have spent much of my life working with children and their not so good behaviors. Friends and family members often call me to ask about "What should I do when Johnny does____? I give some suggestions, and offer behavioral strategies and techniques. Hopefully some of my suggestions have been helpful.
In conclusion, in these difficult economic times, where therapist can cost $100 an hour, it would be nice to have a place to chat and brainstorm about our kids. TANTRUM TAMER IS THE PLACE.
So go ahead, all you parents, bring on your issues.
I will start everyone off,
Dear MIKE,......